When Canadians ATTACK!
by Jinx-co
Summary: Eight Canadian girls are sent to Camp Green Lake. Chaos insues and D-Tent is left only a little scarred by these strange demented girls.
1. From Canada With Love

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Holes 

When Canadians ATTACK!

Chapter 1-From Canada With Love

Okay so me and my friends are a little weird, yes, and we've broken a couple laws. Is that any reason to send us to a detention camp in AMERICA?!?!?!?!?!?!? Gabby's brother broke the law and he got sent to a camp in Canda, why is it so different for us? Huh? HUH? Sunni's broken laws without us before, she got to stay in Canada. Our own country is turning against us. I don't WANNA go to America.

Okay, I should explain. Me and my friends Gabby, Sunni, Candy, Quinn, Amy, Steven and Sage are from Fort St John, this little place in BC, Canada. We may or may not have broken the law, either way we're being sent to Camp Green Lake, which is in Texas, which is in AMERICA!

"I do NOT wanna go to AMERICA!" Sage whined.

"Look on the bright side, maybe we can convince them we run on a 25 hour clock, or that Sy lives on a beaver farm," Gabby said cheerfully.

"But I do live on a beaver farm," I told Gabby.

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

"NO you don't!"

"YES I do!"

"NO you DON'T!"

"YES I DO!"

"Nooooo yo-"

"Gabby, Sy. SHUDDAP!" Amy said holding up her hand.

"Stupid hobo," I muttered, sitting back against the sweltering bus seat.

"Hey!"

"Will you all just shut up! We're here!" the guard sitting at the front screamed at us.

The guard was gonna call our names and we were gonna get off the bus. Simple enough right? We decided to complicate it a little.

"Megan Sycamore." Yes Sycamore is my last name. My friends all call me Sy 'cause Megan is a weird name. ANYWAY, I have black-streaked-blue hair that falls to my waist. I have pale blue eyes that are just weird and scare even me. On the day we arrived in CGL I was wearing beige pants with a black shirt that says "Insanity Is Caused By The Unexpected And The Unexpected Is Often Entertaining" with a black dog collar. Yes collar. Now for the complicating, I jumped out of my seat, ran out of the bus, tripped, fell, got up, ran around in circles cawing then stood next to the bus. Weird, I know.

"Gabrielle Sim." After the guard had stopped looking disturbed in my direction he called on Gabby. Gabby is tall with black-streaked-red short short hair. She has a hazely color of eyes that she swears can glow in the dark. We trust her not. She was wearing a black shirt with a silver dragon, grey jeans and a black trench coat. She slowly stood up and walked off the bus, when she got off she screamed randomly at no one "YOU ARE COVERED IN A VERY FINE FUZZ!!!!" before joining the line next to me.

"Sunni Lorrow." The guard SEEMED unfazed by Gabby's randomness, and continued normally. Sunni is native with brown eyes and dark hair that is currently died a super dark purpley blue. She was wearing black jeans and a black hoodie with a maple leaf and the words "I Am Canadian, Put That In Your Pipe And Smoke It You Twits!" Sunni hopped off the bus, ran around it three times while singing "They're Coming to Take Me Away" before standing next to Gabby as though nothing had happened.

"Candace Green." The guard still seemed unfazed. Weird. Candy was tall with strawberry blonde hair that's like 85% strawberry 15% blonde. She has dark green eyes with brown specks here and there. She was wearing tan Hawaiian print pants with a blue shirt that says "I Know How You Feel, I Just Don't Care!" Candy sprinted off the bus while jabbering in French like it was nothing. She ran up to a weird man with sideburns and started talking to him and screeching out random English words before joining us and being quiet.

"Quinn Smith." Well the guard was unfazed, but Mr. Look-At-Me-With-My-So-Totally-Out-Of-Fashion-Sideburns was really scared. Quinn was the most normal one out of all of us, not to say she wasn't weird, she was just weird to a lower level. ANYWAY she has layered blonde hair that goes to about her shoulders. She has blue eyes and was wearing jeans and a white tank top underneath a red "All Star" hoodie. Quinn slowly walked off the bus, slowly joined our line before screaming "STUPID CHICKEN FENCE!"

"Amy Preore." Well, Mr. LAMWMSTOOFS was still scared, although less so and the guard was starting to show fear again. Amy was super super short. We're talking like 4'7" if that. Not that it's her fault or anything... She has short curly brown-streaked-blonde hair and hazel eyes. She was wearing khaki shorts and a black tank top that said "Can I Have A Sandwich?" Amy walked off the bus cawed three times, struck an anime pose and joined the line.

"Stephanie Chapman." AKA Steven for us. Or Chappy... Happy Chappy! Okay temporary insanity moment passed. Steven has short blonde hair that spiked out at the back and blue eyes. She was wearing a black shirt with a picture of a hippie holding a sign that says "Peace Not War" and green cargo shorts. Steven walked off the bus and burst into "My Heart Will Go On" before quietly joining our line.

"Staci Brown." AKA Sage. Our little Sagey! Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagey! Okay. Random insanity is coming back. Any way Sage has short brown-streaked-red hair that went to her chin or a little further. She was wearing a white shirt that says "It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Loses An Eye" with a picture of three guys, one guy with one eye, and a pair of black jeans. She ran off the bus and screeched "MOMO THE DISTURBING CHICKEN PSYCHO BULL!" before calmly joining the now completed line.

And that is all of us. We're a little bit psycho, but you get used to it after you've known us for a while. At least I think you do. It's not like we have friends outside of our group, people are just too weird... Anyway, I ramble.

After we had all come off the bus (and scarred everyone in the process) we were led into a small cabin with Mr. LAMWMSTOOFS and were told the rules. (I was sleeping with my eyes open so I didn't hear it, someone will fill me in later) Then we got our uniforms thingers. Interesting, veeeeery interesting. Orange jumpsuits. So not cool. But who am I to say? I set weird fashion trends all the time. Collars for instance. I'm the only one who wears 'em, but they're still a trend!

Aaaaaand I'm rambling again. Oh well. After we got the new fashion trend (which I am calling the Americans-Have-Weird-Style Trend) we met Mr. Bounce-Bounce-Big-Stupid-Grin-You-Are-Good-People. He scared me. It's a good thing it was an act. Or was it? If I have to live with Mr. BBBSGYAGP, it had better be an act 'cause he's scary. He took us to our tent, which had a sign that said "D-Tent Girls"

Did that mean there were guys here? Candy will have a field day. Lord help us all. I looked around, there were no other signs hanging on tents. Did that mean we were the only girls? Huh. Go figure. Not only do they take us from our home, they put us in an all boys camp. Canada is turning against us. It's not fair!

Mr. BBBSGYAGP (who is actually Mr. Pendanski, but that's a less fun name. Unless...) told us to make ourselves home while he got the boys (big grin from Candy there) We all picked our cots and Amy hung a Canada flag across the back. A little more like home, not so much though.

Mr. Pendanski came back with eight boys in tow. Eight criminal boys. Eight-bloody-Criminal hormone driven boys! I can hear the party in Candy's head. Mr. Pendanski introduced them. Rex, Theodore, Alan, Ricky, Jose, Stanley, Zero, Brian.

(snicker) Weird names. Weird, weird names. That's just my opinion.

Then Mr. Pendanski introduced us. Megan, Gabrielle, Sunni, Candace, Quinn, Amy, Stephanie, Staci. Glower in his direction from us. Mr. Pendanski left us to get 'acquainted'. Not good idea.

"Look, my name ain't Rex it's X-Ray. That's Armpit, Squid, Zigzag, Magnet, Caveman, Zero and Twitch," Rex or 'X-Ray' said.

"Okee day then! My name is Sy. Gabrielle is Gabby, Candace is Candy, Stephanie is Steven and Staci is Sage," I said with a grin.

[Insert weird looks from guys here]

"Where are you from?" Squid asked.

"Canada!" Gabby said at the same time Candy said "The Arctic!"

"We're from Canada," I said with a sweatdrop.

"Cool!" Magnet said.

"Not really. It's so freakin' cold!" Gabby said.

Her evil plan was beginning. I looked at Amy and smirked. As long as we were here we might as well have some fun.

"All the time?"

"Well not really, we have the cold season and the freezing season," Gabby said, almost laughing.

"No summer?" Zigzag asked.

"Nope."

"Weird..."

"AND our little Sy here lives on a beaver farm! They harvest beaver!"

"Harvest beaver?" X-Ray asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You know, skin them and sell their pelts," I said with a glance at Gabby.

Everyone burst out laughing at the guys, whose faces were twisted with looks of confusion.

"Gabby's just kidding. We actually have four seasons, and I don't live on a beaver farm," I said with a smile. "But you should be careful of Amy. She doesn't speak English, and she bites."

Amy bared her teeth and hissed at them.

The guys took a step back.

Oh this would be fun.

Yukai: MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Canadians ATTACK!!!!!!


	2. Sy Psychotic

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When Canadians ATTACK!

Chapter 2 - Sy Psychoatic

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That night at dinner we were all sitting around the D-Tent table eating crap that looked like shi- erm... Crap. I became extremely fascinated with the table carvings. Johnny Two-Tone wuz here. Johnny Two-Tone? JOHNNY TWO-TONE? These people are on something, and I need to find out what!

I poked Gabby in the side.

"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaby..."

"What Sy?"

"Do you have any Zen?"

"Erm... Yeha I think so..."

Gabby gug in her pocket and came up with a maple flavored maple leaf shaped candy.

"Yay! Zen!" I cried grabbing it and shoving it in my mouth. "Nummy!"

"Zen?" X-Ray asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Canadian pot," Candy explained.

"That," Squid said, pointing to the candy. "Is not pot."

"Well it's our version of Zen," Candy shrugged.

"And what makes it Canadian?" X-Ray asked.

"It's dipped in Maple Syrup!" we all said.

"HEY! You said she couldn't speak English!" Armpit accused us, pointing at Amy.

"Amy!" I moaned. "You ruined our sinister plans of most certain sinsterness!"

Everyone stopped trying to figure out what I just said.

"You had an evil plot against us?"

I nodded.

"And you were gonna make her not speak English?"

Another nod.

"And were you lying when you said she bites?"

No- Shake head.

"We all bite," Gabby explained. "Some of us more than others though." Pointed look at me.

"What?"

"Sy, you bit Candy and scarred her."

"So? Gabby bit me when we were five!"

"I hated you!"

"I didn't know you!"

"Nya!"

Insert weirded out looks from guys here

"What did they give us?" X-Ray asked Squid who shrugged.

"Well Gabby's some undead vampire/dark lord/satanic thing, Sy's a wolf demon, Candy's a demented clown and Amy's an... Amy," Sage explained.

Zigzag's eyes practically flew out of his head.

"They were sent to eat us! They're going to suck out our souls when we're sleeping!" he said, glancing at each of us nervously.

"Oh no, we'll let Gabby have the honor. Hm... except I'll be taking that one," I said pointing to Zero.

Zero looked very scared. And so cute.

"Must... resist urge... to... fluff... hair..." I said, my hands shooting out in front of me in Zero's direction.

"Yeah, but you're not," Gabby said with a sigh.

I looked over at the boys. X-Ray looked weirded out, Squid had an eyebrow raised, Magnet looked like nothing had happened, Armpit was eating (Ew...), Zigzag was ranting about the evil zombies who would eat his soul, Caveman was looking at Zero who was still very scared and Twitch was... twitching.

Phase one complete.

Phase one of what?

The plan!

What plan?

The plan that has been in my head for five minutes!

I'm in your head and there are no plans here!

But I have a secret compartment for plans!

No you don't!

Yes I do!

Ergh. You are impossible.

I know.

That's not something to be proud of!

"Sy. Syyyyyy..... SY!"

"Huh?"

"You were doing the zoney out thing again," Amy said.

"Oh. I was arguing."

"With yourself?" Candy asked.

"Again?" Gabby added.

"Erm." I said.

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Yukai: I'd like to say now, that I have nothing against Americans. Seriously I don't. Everything I write is for story purpouses only. And there won't be any insults, just things that I might thin if I had never been to America!


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